9 April 2010 Serve when no one is loo...

9 April 2010 Serve when no one is looking!
 
We are celebrating service to our city with 1000 hrs of Mercy.  We buy food, school supplies clothes etc, assemble gift baskets and then deliver them.  All done to serve our city and hopefully to be a blessing to many.  Every part of this process birthed and bathed in prayer. The end of this week will be an ascending praise to God for the favor He has shown for our first year anniversary as a church.  

I went to the church offices to help a couple days ago and was emotionally overwhelmed by the great love and generosity of the church( the believers).  We were encouraged to only give an hour, in order to give others coming in later that day, an opportunity to also help.  It seems unheard of to hear," please serve only one hour." 

The gathering was such a vision of delight, it was unbelievable to see the amount of donations.  It was uncontrolled love watching the servants of God, like busy bees, serving to their hearts content and joyfully giving of their time.  There were mothers and fathers with there sons and daughters, there were older grandma and grandpa looking servants, there were young people in there 20's, and younger people in there 30 and 40's, there was the wonderful pastor and his lovely wife working along side the flock he helps to guide in the ways of God every Sunday. There was hourly prayer.

As I worked I listened to the stories of people serving on a regular basis, the homeless, the widow or widower, the needy, etc.  The every day lives, with every day service to many.  I love what we do as the Body of Christ, I'm amazed at the impacts when many hands are involved, but I am just as touched by the singular stories of service that are not known or not heard.  I am so taken with those who have looked at the naked and chose to clothe, the hungry and decided to feed, the thirsty and quenched their thirst.  Whatever, we have done to the least of these...

I can hardly stand the incredible love of this church.  I can hardly contain my joy at a God who speaks, sings and dances over me.  I am so grateful for the opened door that my God gave my husband and I to attend a church that breathes the very breath of God, not only to me as a believer but to the lost and dying, or maybe just the weary of Colorado Springs.

I love my Pastor who is so clearly a reflection of my first love, Jesus.  I enjoy the competition to be Jesus' best friend!  This will definitely be a hard fought competition, in that my pastor has inspired the entire church to do the same.  I have a funny feeling there will be a gazillion people at the finish line at the same time.

9 March 2010

9 March 2010  I woke up hungry!

I woke up and immediately thought of my Lord and Savior.  I've been hungry for Him, but not hungry enough.  I have been satiating on junk food and it seems to curb my hunger but it doesn't satisfy.  I have thought about fasting and i poo-poo that thought with the idea that I need to lose a few pounds and I know that the real motivation has nothing to do with the Lord  but with the fact that my jeans are a little too snug.

I've told myself  for almost a year, now, that I want to see Him face-to-face, but my "want to" is broke.  My want has not turned into a need.    I know that I am self-medicating with food, TV, my iphone games and anything else that will keep me one step further from Him.  My spiritual medical protocols rarely involve seeing the "Great Physician."  I have made half-hearted attempts to draw near, by the few scriptures on the tablets of my heart.  I know something is not right and rather than seeing Him, I make an appt, cancel and then run to the pharmacy for an over the counter med.

I know what to do to make it all better, but it's like going to my family practice physician who is going to ask me if I have been eating right and exercising.  I get nervous because I haven't done either.  I have come up with excuses to not enter in, I have not taken the time to listen. 
 
I have always harshly judged the Israelites in the old testament.  I questioned how one could see the physical manifestation of the dunamis and not be convinced and totally devoted to serving the God who provided cloud cover and warmth during the exodus.  I can't imagine walking through a parted wall of water and not be fearful of the One who was holding the water back.  I would be shaking in my boots to see my enemy drowned only moments after getting to the other side. I think I would be amazed at the sandals and clothes not wearing out.  I have these thoughts that are so far off base.  I can prove it in my own life.

I have seen the power  of God in so many different forms I can't start to tell about it.  Kind of like the end of the book of John:

^John21:25Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.

I have witnessed miracles in my life and in others.  Yet, here I sit waiting to be WOW'ed some more...or to be blown away (or blown off my duff) to get me to sit in front of His throne.

I understand my Israeli brother and sister because I am as they were.   My goal now, is to not die in the desert.  I don't want to peer at the promised land but to walk in it.  I want my life to be a part of the heart cell in the make-up of the bride. 

I am grateful that He knows me better than I know myself.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Outside of all my fluff, my tainted thoughts, my reckless hopes, my flawed dreams, He knows my heart.  I will chose today to give Him praise and thank Him for knowing my heart.   I will choose to be grateful because He woke me with a hunger for Him.  I am starving for Him, I don't want any more junk food, I don't want any more counterfeits, I want the real, honest to goodness meat and potatoes of the Word.  I want to make and keep my appointment with the Great Doctor.  I want His plans, His protocols, His wellness schedule.  I want to see Him face-to-face.

I have a bone to pick with those who ...

I have a bone to pick with those who claim that ordinary people do extraordinary things in the Kingdom.  As I look at the heroes of the faith my realization is that everyone has the capacity to be extraordinary...but few choose this path.

It is a herculean effort to push through the ordinary.  It is moment by moment choices to evaluate the consequences of your decisions and to allow God to change us.  It doesn't matter whether you return to square one a gazillion times...what matters is that you return.

I think God has called us all to be extraordinary, but I think few answer the call.   I think many of us opt to rewrite the plans God has for us and settle for the mundane.  It is definitely less controversial and there is no elasticity in our lives.  It is much easier to be predictable.  It takes less energy, blood, sweat and tears to not make a difference.  I think you are much more likable when people know what to expect and I think the comfort of a routine life is satisfying to the flesh.

I believe our walk with God should be exciting, unpredictable, and painful.  I think we should be looking around all corners waiting for God to jump out and yell "Boo!"  I believe God made the mind with the ability to create as He did and  not to is the antithesis to His divine order. I think God wants us to question that around us and query Him with unsearchable curiosity.

When I look to nature itself and see the hand of the magnificent Creator, I begin to wonder about my smallness.  My inability to affect anything around me.  My physical limitations, whether it is what I put my hands and feet too or what I put my thoughts to.  I wonder what purpose is my occupying this space of dirt on planet Earth.  I have to run to the Word and look for definition and  I realize what I think is important, is trivial, compared to what He thinks is important and to find sense or value in this life means I need to go to the one who created this life and find out what His plans were.

I can't comprehend all that He has in store for me and I believe that He intends on me living a supernatural life with my existence making a difference in the spiritual realm.  I think He calls me to do far more greater things than I would ever feel capable of.  I believe He wants me to be extraordinary because He is extraordinary and I am made in his likeness.

28 Feb 2010 Are we there yet?

28 Feb 2010  Are we there yet?

 

Every parent recognizes this question and before the question is even finished being asked there is a modicum of irritation that wells up inside of them.  It is amazing how at the cellular level, these teeny tiny words can start a rash that I know will spread. It has to, it's the nature of the rash!

 

I sometimes want to say yes, in a minute or a second, every time they ask. We know how well that statement goes over.  Sometimes, I ignore the question and pretend that I didn't hear it, or if we are on a trip, I muster up the biggest snore and act as if I have descended into the deepest pit of slumberland.  Yes all godly responses to this irritating, nagging question that was pulled up from hell and placed in our children's mouth.

 

I have begged and I have pleaded and I have continued to bang on the doors of heaven asking for my healing.  Sometimes, I do it with a nauseating whine.  Often times, I do it sort of squeameshly with a mousy like voice, even whisper like, with a million question marks behind it.  I have been known to confidently burst through the throne room door and arrogantly ask, quoting scripture in Isaiah that informs the Trinity they have work to do and rather than a question, it is a command.  Then with litlle faith, I approach with His no respector of man, and certainly I fit in the "man" column.  I have run through the crowd to grab the robe of His garment.  I have opened the Bible to Peter and hoped that if I lift my bible at just the right time in the window,the shadow cast might do it.  I have proclaimed " I believe, Help my unbelief."  I have reasoned that I have centurion like faith, I have also had the joy of my friends lowering me from the roof.  They have, through their prayers, climbed up, cut a hole and lowered me before Him. I am willing to lay in bathtubs of mud, or having a prophet lay on top of me and tell me to get up.  I am ready to come out of captivity.  I want my exodus. Is that too much to ask?

 

Do I sound like an impatient child?  I know I am His.  I know my questions go to a celestial level and not a cellular.  I know no rash is experienced in heaven.  I know He does not answer me to placate me and He doesn't hide from the question.  I know like a child, who wants to get there now, God will not speed to get me to my destination.  He will not run red lights because I am on the floorboard having a fit.  He is not moved by my "tudes".  He has planned this trip meticulously, with the right amount of potty stops, food fests, and rest break, even a sightseeing opportunities if I will get out of the car to look.

 

18 February 2005 To sleep or not to sleep

18 February 2005 To sleep or not to sleep?

Jesus laid the example of when and when not to sleep. In the midst of the raging storm, the wind was moving the boat violently and in the boat being tossed back and forth were 13 men, one who slept.

Matthew 8:23-24:

    ²³Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. ²⁴Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.

Mark 4:36-40:
³⁶Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

    ³⁹He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

    ⁴⁰He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

The One who knew that now was the time to be resting and 12 who didn’t. The waves that washed over them was one of fear, it kept them physically being able to rejuvenate themselves for the multitudes that was seeking after the Lord. At the Lord’s command the sea calmed itself , in order for these men to slumber. From great fear to quiet rest.

On the flip side, Jesus called what I believe to be not just His favorites but His three greatest prayer warriors to accompany Him to the garden of Gethsemane. There He insisted, Peter, James and John be alert and prayerful. All that His life meant was coming to it’s final chapter and in those moments, He enlisted the prayerful encouragement of His best buds.

Jesus found them asleep. He woke them up only, only to be severely disappointed that none would tarry with him. He gave them multiple opportunities only to find the same result.

Matthew 26:36-45

    ³⁶Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." ³⁷He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. ³⁸Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."

    ³⁹Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

    ⁴⁰Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. ⁴¹"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

    ⁴²He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

    ⁴³When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. ⁴⁴So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.

    ⁴⁵Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.

These three went from a powerful dinner with their Lord, where He reveals the future and shares communion with each, to finding the 3 awakened by Judas and roman guards escorting Him away to begin the severe task of the loss of His life.

As in the boat on the water fear captured them and they fled.

I have often said “I’ll pray for you” and have heard many through the years unenthusiastically say the same. My sadness overwhelms me when I recall my 2 second arrow shot upwards prayer, “God bless them, you know their need,” when what may have been required was serious intercession. I’m not sure how many blessings I have missed because of the glib, perfunctory prayer.

I needed a heart correction; prayer is never common as my God is not common. It is not boring or a routine or something anyone should take lightly, for even though we approach the throne of mercy and grace with great confidence as an heir of salvation, He is still and always will be a Holy God, communication at any level that I’m on, is irrelevant when talking to my Holy Father.

I have fallen asleep on the job and even as the apostles may have been filled with regret, but strengthened to pray more fervently, I step back and first recognize to Whom I’m having a conversation with and then I ask Him for His will in the situation. I ask Him to stir my heart that acknowledges that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. I chose to be the one who will pray and violently advance the kingdom on my knees and not on my pillow.

22 Jan 2010 No more energy!

22 Jan 2010  No more energy!

I have no more energy for much of anything.  Sort of done!  Tired of crying out, tired of pain, tired of laziness, just stinking tired!  I am resigned to accomplish small things and have a successful wedding this year.  That's it, that's what I was created for.  I feel so totally abandoned and in my quest to meet with Jesus, fact-to-face, I have failed.  I seem to have lost all motivation, knowing that there is victory but it isn't mine.

I am sad and small blessings seem that much smaller.  I see devastation In Haiti and I know my life is good but I can't seem to well up that satisfaction in my soul.  I want to proclaim it is well with my soul, but it doesn't feel well.  It feels like it is on it's last legs and life seems this near to empty.  I want to not feel.  I don't even want to think.  I can't even do anything about that, because whether I want it to or not, the thoughts come and right behind it the feelings.  I am not living a victorious kingdom life and although I am more than half way through our 21 days fast, I have felt impotent spiritually.  Even the reserve well of life is dry.  If there is water there...the rope and bucket don't even touch the surface of dampness.


Spent, I am spent.  How can I lay my life down this morning when I have no energy to move.  How can I pick up my cross when the arms and hands are numb.  I have no feelings, not even a tingling in my fingers.  Usually tingling says to me there is something there.  Blood is running through, capillaries, veins and arteries.  I'm not sure if you cut my hand off that there will be any drainage what so ever.  Yep, all finished.  Hoping there is a skeleton with a thread of DNA left. I suppose if there is none God can still build muscle, sinew, tendons etc.  He can pump an IV into dry bones.  He can make something beautiful out of the rubbish of my life. He can redeem something useful to His kingdom.  He can bless someone through this mound of unbreathing flesh.  He can do anything. 

When Jesus said it is finished, Did he know that great earthquakes in the kingdom were around the corner.  Did He know He would rise again?  Did he die encouraged?  Was the pain too excruciating for Him to appreciate the chasm He had bridged?  Did he smile and rejoice at the future or as life escaped, did he fully resign to the death of his body?  Did Jesus's body try to grip every breath or did His body resign to the natural and let go?  Did he weep at leaving planet earth or did God inside Him give him comfort to know He would rise again?  Were there legions of angels and demons slaughtered that moment?  Was there a spiritual battlefield littered with celestial bodies?  Is there a battlefield with my name carved out over it?  Is this dying going to resurrect anything of substance?

I have many more questions than I do answers.  Today, I will just wait.

2 May 2006 To turn the corner

2 May 2006 To turn the
corner, you have to be moving

I can look or peer
around the corner, but if there is no momentum, than I’m not
going anywhere. It doesn’t matter how hard my stare is or my
concentration, it doesn’t matter if there is an incline or a
decline, it doesn’t even matter if I throw every ounce of my
will behind it, I’m still not going to move an inch. There has
to be some force, some energy propelling me forward in order to make
me go around the bend.

Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV

²⁹
He gives strength to the weary
      
and increases the power of the weak.

   
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
      
and young men stumble and fall;

   
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
      
will renew their strength.
      
They will soar on wings like eagles;
      
they will run and not grow weary,
      
they will walk and not be faint.

Passage Isaiah
40:29-31: Amplified
²⁹He gives power to the faint
and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing
it to multiply and making it to abound].^(A)

   
³⁰Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected]
young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted;

   
³¹But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for,
and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power;
they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles
[mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall
walk and not faint or become tired.^(B)

As I review this
passage, I see the young men moving, they are not conserving their
strength. They are wearing out for the cause of Christ and it is in
this place the lord strengthens them.

Passage 2
Corinthians 12:9-10:
⁹But he said to me, "My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That
is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then
I am strong.

No one else in the
bible moved more than Paul. He was always on the go. He went to
Macedonia, Crete, Ephesus, Corinth, Galatia, Philippi, Malta,
Colosse, etc. It was easy for his path to be directed because he was
moving.

I’m not saying
that we are all called to go on such missionary trips as Paul and
heaven forbid, I intimate that we all go as Paul did, he tells us to
imitate him.

Passage 1
Corinthians 4:16:
¹⁶Therefore I urge you to imitate
me.

We follow Jesus and
imitate Paul. Our examples for living, never say stagnate. Even when
we sit before his mighty throne, processing our own death and taking
up our cross, we are moving. The forces in heaven are mounting as we
seek His face, as we give Him glory and submit to His order of
business for the day. We are called to live meaningful lives,
intentional, with purpose, even if we don’t see what’s
around the corner, we have to keep moving and trust that all will be
revealed in it’s perfect time.

Passage Matthew
11:12:
¹²From the days of John the Baptist until
now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and
forceful men lay hold of it.

Dearest Jehovah-Sabaoth
-- The Lord of Hosts,

I desire to be part of
that Army amassed for your purposes today. With you as my leader, I
am confident that all my movements will be used to advance the
kingdom of heaven. I submit my foolish thinking that in order to move
the heavenlies forward I needed to do something, as if my flesh had
any good to offer. I thank you my God that you find me worthy of
participating in the battle. Thank you that you arm me properly for
what’s in store. I thank you that you are the defender of my
walk of faith and that all glory and honor due you will be given to
you in this life. Keep me on the move, my Lord, that my life may be
a continuum of your delight. I love you my Captain. Amen