9 April 2010 Serve when no one is loo...

9 April 2010 Serve when no one is looking!
 
We are celebrating service to our city with 1000 hrs of Mercy.  We buy food, school supplies clothes etc, assemble gift baskets and then deliver them.  All done to serve our city and hopefully to be a blessing to many.  Every part of this process birthed and bathed in prayer. The end of this week will be an ascending praise to God for the favor He has shown for our first year anniversary as a church.  

I went to the church offices to help a couple days ago and was emotionally overwhelmed by the great love and generosity of the church( the believers).  We were encouraged to only give an hour, in order to give others coming in later that day, an opportunity to also help.  It seems unheard of to hear," please serve only one hour." 

The gathering was such a vision of delight, it was unbelievable to see the amount of donations.  It was uncontrolled love watching the servants of God, like busy bees, serving to their hearts content and joyfully giving of their time.  There were mothers and fathers with there sons and daughters, there were older grandma and grandpa looking servants, there were young people in there 20's, and younger people in there 30 and 40's, there was the wonderful pastor and his lovely wife working along side the flock he helps to guide in the ways of God every Sunday. There was hourly prayer.

As I worked I listened to the stories of people serving on a regular basis, the homeless, the widow or widower, the needy, etc.  The every day lives, with every day service to many.  I love what we do as the Body of Christ, I'm amazed at the impacts when many hands are involved, but I am just as touched by the singular stories of service that are not known or not heard.  I am so taken with those who have looked at the naked and chose to clothe, the hungry and decided to feed, the thirsty and quenched their thirst.  Whatever, we have done to the least of these...

I can hardly stand the incredible love of this church.  I can hardly contain my joy at a God who speaks, sings and dances over me.  I am so grateful for the opened door that my God gave my husband and I to attend a church that breathes the very breath of God, not only to me as a believer but to the lost and dying, or maybe just the weary of Colorado Springs.

I love my Pastor who is so clearly a reflection of my first love, Jesus.  I enjoy the competition to be Jesus' best friend!  This will definitely be a hard fought competition, in that my pastor has inspired the entire church to do the same.  I have a funny feeling there will be a gazillion people at the finish line at the same time.

9 March 2010

9 March 2010  I woke up hungry!

I woke up and immediately thought of my Lord and Savior.  I've been hungry for Him, but not hungry enough.  I have been satiating on junk food and it seems to curb my hunger but it doesn't satisfy.  I have thought about fasting and i poo-poo that thought with the idea that I need to lose a few pounds and I know that the real motivation has nothing to do with the Lord  but with the fact that my jeans are a little too snug.

I've told myself  for almost a year, now, that I want to see Him face-to-face, but my "want to" is broke.  My want has not turned into a need.    I know that I am self-medicating with food, TV, my iphone games and anything else that will keep me one step further from Him.  My spiritual medical protocols rarely involve seeing the "Great Physician."  I have made half-hearted attempts to draw near, by the few scriptures on the tablets of my heart.  I know something is not right and rather than seeing Him, I make an appt, cancel and then run to the pharmacy for an over the counter med.

I know what to do to make it all better, but it's like going to my family practice physician who is going to ask me if I have been eating right and exercising.  I get nervous because I haven't done either.  I have come up with excuses to not enter in, I have not taken the time to listen. 
 
I have always harshly judged the Israelites in the old testament.  I questioned how one could see the physical manifestation of the dunamis and not be convinced and totally devoted to serving the God who provided cloud cover and warmth during the exodus.  I can't imagine walking through a parted wall of water and not be fearful of the One who was holding the water back.  I would be shaking in my boots to see my enemy drowned only moments after getting to the other side. I think I would be amazed at the sandals and clothes not wearing out.  I have these thoughts that are so far off base.  I can prove it in my own life.

I have seen the power  of God in so many different forms I can't start to tell about it.  Kind of like the end of the book of John:

^John21:25Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.

I have witnessed miracles in my life and in others.  Yet, here I sit waiting to be WOW'ed some more...or to be blown away (or blown off my duff) to get me to sit in front of His throne.

I understand my Israeli brother and sister because I am as they were.   My goal now, is to not die in the desert.  I don't want to peer at the promised land but to walk in it.  I want my life to be a part of the heart cell in the make-up of the bride. 

I am grateful that He knows me better than I know myself.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Outside of all my fluff, my tainted thoughts, my reckless hopes, my flawed dreams, He knows my heart.  I will chose today to give Him praise and thank Him for knowing my heart.   I will choose to be grateful because He woke me with a hunger for Him.  I am starving for Him, I don't want any more junk food, I don't want any more counterfeits, I want the real, honest to goodness meat and potatoes of the Word.  I want to make and keep my appointment with the Great Doctor.  I want His plans, His protocols, His wellness schedule.  I want to see Him face-to-face.

I have a bone to pick with those who ...

I have a bone to pick with those who claim that ordinary people do extraordinary things in the Kingdom.  As I look at the heroes of the faith my realization is that everyone has the capacity to be extraordinary...but few choose this path.

It is a herculean effort to push through the ordinary.  It is moment by moment choices to evaluate the consequences of your decisions and to allow God to change us.  It doesn't matter whether you return to square one a gazillion times...what matters is that you return.

I think God has called us all to be extraordinary, but I think few answer the call.   I think many of us opt to rewrite the plans God has for us and settle for the mundane.  It is definitely less controversial and there is no elasticity in our lives.  It is much easier to be predictable.  It takes less energy, blood, sweat and tears to not make a difference.  I think you are much more likable when people know what to expect and I think the comfort of a routine life is satisfying to the flesh.

I believe our walk with God should be exciting, unpredictable, and painful.  I think we should be looking around all corners waiting for God to jump out and yell "Boo!"  I believe God made the mind with the ability to create as He did and  not to is the antithesis to His divine order. I think God wants us to question that around us and query Him with unsearchable curiosity.

When I look to nature itself and see the hand of the magnificent Creator, I begin to wonder about my smallness.  My inability to affect anything around me.  My physical limitations, whether it is what I put my hands and feet too or what I put my thoughts to.  I wonder what purpose is my occupying this space of dirt on planet Earth.  I have to run to the Word and look for definition and  I realize what I think is important, is trivial, compared to what He thinks is important and to find sense or value in this life means I need to go to the one who created this life and find out what His plans were.

I can't comprehend all that He has in store for me and I believe that He intends on me living a supernatural life with my existence making a difference in the spiritual realm.  I think He calls me to do far more greater things than I would ever feel capable of.  I believe He wants me to be extraordinary because He is extraordinary and I am made in his likeness.

28 Feb 2010 Are we there yet?

28 Feb 2010  Are we there yet?

 

Every parent recognizes this question and before the question is even finished being asked there is a modicum of irritation that wells up inside of them.  It is amazing how at the cellular level, these teeny tiny words can start a rash that I know will spread. It has to, it's the nature of the rash!

 

I sometimes want to say yes, in a minute or a second, every time they ask. We know how well that statement goes over.  Sometimes, I ignore the question and pretend that I didn't hear it, or if we are on a trip, I muster up the biggest snore and act as if I have descended into the deepest pit of slumberland.  Yes all godly responses to this irritating, nagging question that was pulled up from hell and placed in our children's mouth.

 

I have begged and I have pleaded and I have continued to bang on the doors of heaven asking for my healing.  Sometimes, I do it with a nauseating whine.  Often times, I do it sort of squeameshly with a mousy like voice, even whisper like, with a million question marks behind it.  I have been known to confidently burst through the throne room door and arrogantly ask, quoting scripture in Isaiah that informs the Trinity they have work to do and rather than a question, it is a command.  Then with litlle faith, I approach with His no respector of man, and certainly I fit in the "man" column.  I have run through the crowd to grab the robe of His garment.  I have opened the Bible to Peter and hoped that if I lift my bible at just the right time in the window,the shadow cast might do it.  I have proclaimed " I believe, Help my unbelief."  I have reasoned that I have centurion like faith, I have also had the joy of my friends lowering me from the roof.  They have, through their prayers, climbed up, cut a hole and lowered me before Him. I am willing to lay in bathtubs of mud, or having a prophet lay on top of me and tell me to get up.  I am ready to come out of captivity.  I want my exodus. Is that too much to ask?

 

Do I sound like an impatient child?  I know I am His.  I know my questions go to a celestial level and not a cellular.  I know no rash is experienced in heaven.  I know He does not answer me to placate me and He doesn't hide from the question.  I know like a child, who wants to get there now, God will not speed to get me to my destination.  He will not run red lights because I am on the floorboard having a fit.  He is not moved by my "tudes".  He has planned this trip meticulously, with the right amount of potty stops, food fests, and rest break, even a sightseeing opportunities if I will get out of the car to look.

 

18 February 2005 To sleep or not to sleep

18 February 2005 To sleep or not to sleep?

Jesus laid the example of when and when not to sleep. In the midst of the raging storm, the wind was moving the boat violently and in the boat being tossed back and forth were 13 men, one who slept.

Matthew 8:23-24:

    ²³Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. ²⁴Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.

Mark 4:36-40:
³⁶Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

    ³⁹He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

    ⁴⁰He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

The One who knew that now was the time to be resting and 12 who didn’t. The waves that washed over them was one of fear, it kept them physically being able to rejuvenate themselves for the multitudes that was seeking after the Lord. At the Lord’s command the sea calmed itself , in order for these men to slumber. From great fear to quiet rest.

On the flip side, Jesus called what I believe to be not just His favorites but His three greatest prayer warriors to accompany Him to the garden of Gethsemane. There He insisted, Peter, James and John be alert and prayerful. All that His life meant was coming to it’s final chapter and in those moments, He enlisted the prayerful encouragement of His best buds.

Jesus found them asleep. He woke them up only, only to be severely disappointed that none would tarry with him. He gave them multiple opportunities only to find the same result.

Matthew 26:36-45

    ³⁶Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." ³⁷He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. ³⁸Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."

    ³⁹Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

    ⁴⁰Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. ⁴¹"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

    ⁴²He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

    ⁴³When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. ⁴⁴So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.

    ⁴⁵Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.

These three went from a powerful dinner with their Lord, where He reveals the future and shares communion with each, to finding the 3 awakened by Judas and roman guards escorting Him away to begin the severe task of the loss of His life.

As in the boat on the water fear captured them and they fled.

I have often said “I’ll pray for you” and have heard many through the years unenthusiastically say the same. My sadness overwhelms me when I recall my 2 second arrow shot upwards prayer, “God bless them, you know their need,” when what may have been required was serious intercession. I’m not sure how many blessings I have missed because of the glib, perfunctory prayer.

I needed a heart correction; prayer is never common as my God is not common. It is not boring or a routine or something anyone should take lightly, for even though we approach the throne of mercy and grace with great confidence as an heir of salvation, He is still and always will be a Holy God, communication at any level that I’m on, is irrelevant when talking to my Holy Father.

I have fallen asleep on the job and even as the apostles may have been filled with regret, but strengthened to pray more fervently, I step back and first recognize to Whom I’m having a conversation with and then I ask Him for His will in the situation. I ask Him to stir my heart that acknowledges that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. I chose to be the one who will pray and violently advance the kingdom on my knees and not on my pillow.

22 Jan 2010 No more energy!

22 Jan 2010  No more energy!

I have no more energy for much of anything.  Sort of done!  Tired of crying out, tired of pain, tired of laziness, just stinking tired!  I am resigned to accomplish small things and have a successful wedding this year.  That's it, that's what I was created for.  I feel so totally abandoned and in my quest to meet with Jesus, fact-to-face, I have failed.  I seem to have lost all motivation, knowing that there is victory but it isn't mine.

I am sad and small blessings seem that much smaller.  I see devastation In Haiti and I know my life is good but I can't seem to well up that satisfaction in my soul.  I want to proclaim it is well with my soul, but it doesn't feel well.  It feels like it is on it's last legs and life seems this near to empty.  I want to not feel.  I don't even want to think.  I can't even do anything about that, because whether I want it to or not, the thoughts come and right behind it the feelings.  I am not living a victorious kingdom life and although I am more than half way through our 21 days fast, I have felt impotent spiritually.  Even the reserve well of life is dry.  If there is water there...the rope and bucket don't even touch the surface of dampness.


Spent, I am spent.  How can I lay my life down this morning when I have no energy to move.  How can I pick up my cross when the arms and hands are numb.  I have no feelings, not even a tingling in my fingers.  Usually tingling says to me there is something there.  Blood is running through, capillaries, veins and arteries.  I'm not sure if you cut my hand off that there will be any drainage what so ever.  Yep, all finished.  Hoping there is a skeleton with a thread of DNA left. I suppose if there is none God can still build muscle, sinew, tendons etc.  He can pump an IV into dry bones.  He can make something beautiful out of the rubbish of my life. He can redeem something useful to His kingdom.  He can bless someone through this mound of unbreathing flesh.  He can do anything. 

When Jesus said it is finished, Did he know that great earthquakes in the kingdom were around the corner.  Did He know He would rise again?  Did he die encouraged?  Was the pain too excruciating for Him to appreciate the chasm He had bridged?  Did he smile and rejoice at the future or as life escaped, did he fully resign to the death of his body?  Did Jesus's body try to grip every breath or did His body resign to the natural and let go?  Did he weep at leaving planet earth or did God inside Him give him comfort to know He would rise again?  Were there legions of angels and demons slaughtered that moment?  Was there a spiritual battlefield littered with celestial bodies?  Is there a battlefield with my name carved out over it?  Is this dying going to resurrect anything of substance?

I have many more questions than I do answers.  Today, I will just wait.

2 May 2006 To turn the corner

2 May 2006 To turn the
corner, you have to be moving

I can look or peer
around the corner, but if there is no momentum, than I’m not
going anywhere. It doesn’t matter how hard my stare is or my
concentration, it doesn’t matter if there is an incline or a
decline, it doesn’t even matter if I throw every ounce of my
will behind it, I’m still not going to move an inch. There has
to be some force, some energy propelling me forward in order to make
me go around the bend.

Isaiah 40:29-31 NIV

²⁹
He gives strength to the weary
      
and increases the power of the weak.

   
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
      
and young men stumble and fall;

   
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
      
will renew their strength.
      
They will soar on wings like eagles;
      
they will run and not grow weary,
      
they will walk and not be faint.

Passage Isaiah
40:29-31: Amplified
²⁹He gives power to the faint
and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing
it to multiply and making it to abound].^(A)

   
³⁰Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected]
young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted;

   
³¹But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for,
and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power;
they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles
[mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall
walk and not faint or become tired.^(B)

As I review this
passage, I see the young men moving, they are not conserving their
strength. They are wearing out for the cause of Christ and it is in
this place the lord strengthens them.

Passage 2
Corinthians 12:9-10:
⁹But he said to me, "My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That
is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then
I am strong.

No one else in the
bible moved more than Paul. He was always on the go. He went to
Macedonia, Crete, Ephesus, Corinth, Galatia, Philippi, Malta,
Colosse, etc. It was easy for his path to be directed because he was
moving.

I’m not saying
that we are all called to go on such missionary trips as Paul and
heaven forbid, I intimate that we all go as Paul did, he tells us to
imitate him.

Passage 1
Corinthians 4:16:
¹⁶Therefore I urge you to imitate
me.

We follow Jesus and
imitate Paul. Our examples for living, never say stagnate. Even when
we sit before his mighty throne, processing our own death and taking
up our cross, we are moving. The forces in heaven are mounting as we
seek His face, as we give Him glory and submit to His order of
business for the day. We are called to live meaningful lives,
intentional, with purpose, even if we don’t see what’s
around the corner, we have to keep moving and trust that all will be
revealed in it’s perfect time.

Passage Matthew
11:12:
¹²From the days of John the Baptist until
now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and
forceful men lay hold of it.

Dearest Jehovah-Sabaoth
-- The Lord of Hosts,

I desire to be part of
that Army amassed for your purposes today. With you as my leader, I
am confident that all my movements will be used to advance the
kingdom of heaven. I submit my foolish thinking that in order to move
the heavenlies forward I needed to do something, as if my flesh had
any good to offer. I thank you my God that you find me worthy of
participating in the battle. Thank you that you arm me properly for
what’s in store. I thank you that you are the defender of my
walk of faith and that all glory and honor due you will be given to
you in this life. Keep me on the move, my Lord, that my life may be
a continuum of your delight. I love you my Captain. Amen

2 May 05 It's a Mish Mash World

2 May 05 It’s my
own Mish Mash World

Sometimes, I have so
much time on my hands I feel lost and unusable in the kingdom of God,
other times I’m squeezing out the seconds to extend my 24 hours
anyway I can.

Sometimes, I drown in
God’s glow, talking and singing thinking upon Him and His great
truths and other times I pray a quick “Please bless so and so
and meet their needs according to your riches and glory and be
blessed in my day Amen.”

My life is a potpourri
of messages. I can quickly scripturally advise someone swimming in a
sea of despair, because I have just an amount of knowledge to do so.
I have a life that resembles a miscellaneous file and I know that
through this unorthodox, nonsensical dance of life there is a pattern
yet to be determined.

I am an unpaired shoe
closet that seems to have no rhyme or reason to it. I answer my
phone and find myself in a very unexpected place when someone is
seeking consolation or counsel and then sometimes I’m using my
phone for my own need for both. I run to and fro and often times
find waves of activities hopping from one place to another and other
times longing for a friendly conversation over a steaming cup of
java.

I seem to make no sense
to myself. I sometimes live life with the thoughts of my mortality
and other times think, “If I don’t think about dying, I
won’t.” I know that doesn’t work, just as I use to
think “If I don’t think about getting old, I won’t”
or as a young 2-year old with a sheet over my head thinking if I
can’t see you then you can’t see me. It’s obvious
there is an elephant in the room and there are those wondering why
there is a white lump walking around the room? I have such an oleo
of thoughts and I know sometimes they are profound and other times
just random. I have a patch work life, a quilt made from many
different designs of cloth. I see no start or finish to my storybook
of tales. It is in this mish mash that the only thing that makes any
sense is that He is directing my footsteps.

From my view, it is a
maze; from His it is His special design. Although, I see no pattern
my life is robed with royalty and surely threads of gold bring the
continuity needed to hold it all together. Wherever I am and
wherever I’ve been, I’ve only had to shift my horizontal
gaze to the vertical and I know that there are bigger purposes for me
and that since God is orderly in nature, there is order in my days
and it’s not necessary for me to know how it is suppose to be
built.

I know that in my
sometimes whirlwind life and sometimes in my placid days that God’s
order and design is humongous and like those illusionary pictures of
design, what you first see doesn’t compare to the elaborate 3-D
photo hidden in a spectrum of color.

I never have to make
sense of my days, but I do have to have my lifeline so firmly
attached to Him that my life as a dot on the page of His artwork of
Humanity is consistent with His painting.

2 March 2005 What a charge

2 March 2005 What a charge!

My precious moments alone with my Lord give me a charge. There is the dual charge of one, receiving my marching orders for the day and two, the powers to accomplish those marching orders.

The power source is always the exact measurement of what is needed, I am neither over nor under filled. I have a full tank of compassion, or an exact cup of emotional strength for the recipe du jour, I walk out the day with the precise pre-pedometer setting to exercise my spiritual challenges.

I have afforded to me a multi-dimensional 31 flavor filling station that is topped off before a drop is wasted, the ultimate nutrition, the perfect manna, the greatest antioxidant to keep my heart light, my steps swift and my thoughts pure. There is a heavenly charge card with my name on it, in my pocket, that’s prepaid. Before the day is through, I desire to have the whole thing spent and I know that the cost maybe prayers, tears, financing, blessings, work, support, love, dwelling, hoping, encouraging…writing, but I will not have fulfilled my charge for the day if there is a balance left, when I place my head on my pillow at night. I also know the cost is mine if there is a balance due.

My Summer Upped and Left 23 Aug 05

My Summer Upped and Left 23 Aug 05

I am a totally 4 seasons kind of gal and I welcome each with my arms wide open with a childish glee, that this will be the best, fill in the blank________ever. I am around the corner from Autumn and my flinging arms are now wrapped around tight to my summer, but like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum, with my heels dug in…I’m not ready for Fall. I want the toasty, sweltering 16 hours of sunlight lazy days of summer to linger longer. Although, I would not change one moment of how I’ve lived out the past three and a half months, everything in me refuses to surrender to nature’s biological clock. I am comfortable in this great day that the Lord has made and I am rejoicing in it. I am willing to go where He sends me, bless who He calls me to bless, pray for those He wants me to pray for, and live out my days the way He has called me to live, but, I’m just happy HERE!

 I love where I’ve been, I’ve enjoyed the romance, the revelation, the prodding, pruning, cleansing, growing, the comfort, but I know in my bones a new day is moving in approaching for my soul. It is stealthily moving in and I know without a doubt it will not resemble my past seasons of life. I’m so comfortable with predictable.  I am the most content creature of habit on the face of the earth, but there is a rumbling in the spiritual realm and a stirring in my Spirit. I can feel the tug-of-war of my emotions at work knowing that a different season of life is upon me.

I become paranoid of the words “to whom much is given, much is required.” I can feel my heels burrowing, my arms holding tight and my tantrum welling up inside of me. The anticipation of what is next, is like a child being told this injection is gonna protect you from deadly diseases, but in order for that to happen we have to shoot you! Sometimes, I wish, God why don’t you just do a holy assassination of my flesh, then no gripping arms, no dug in heels, and for goodness sake no embarrassing tantrums. These wishes would certainly prevent God’s best in my life. I lay it down at the altar, all my hopes and dreams, stubbornness and habits. I relinquish my life to His purposes and know that after the fire has been lit and there are just ashes smoldering, He will resurrect what is useable in His Kingdom and I will welcome this new season with my heart mind and strength with great delight.

Copy of I Pray For you

I Pray For You

I pray brilliant sunsets to remind you of God's vibrant love.

I pray sticky Popsicle-fingers around your neck, on a warm summertime day, followed by a fruit-flavored kiss from tiny lips of your child, grandchild or great-grand child.

I pray smiles, giggles and roaring laughter invade the monotony of an everyday kind of day.

I pray the gift of God's love be brought to you so that you can touch the height, width, depth and length of His great delight in you...hopefully to experience Him and lavish on others.

I pray love be showered upon you in rainbow flavors, a subtle yawn just as you drift into a sweet
slumber, or the nostalgic feeling you had when your newly welcomed
child made their first whimper, or the enormity of the emotions when
you uttered the words, "I do" at an altar, the robust taste of  mountain top sunsets, the sweetness of a comfortable rocking-chair evening where the warmth caresses you and reminds you of those who have gone to heaven before you.

I pray the love that leaves perfumed notes on a loved one's pillow, the bright red lipstick heart drawn on a steamy bathroom mirror and the extra cupcake packed in a lunch pale to be indulged or to be shared.

I pray knock knock jokes with no fancy quip for a response.

I pray fuzzy slipper slumber parties where every child needs to get home so they can slumber, and messy homes that have given way to sharing one more story to an eager innocent face.

I pray chocolate to soothe that boo-boo on the knee, or the tear-streamed face of a broken puppy love . . . or chocolate for chocolate's sake.

I pray that you pen that book buried inside you and realize, now is the perfect time to take the trip that you salivate over when you see it in a magazine.

I pray ease in the midst of chaos and peace where tragedy has hit.  I pray huge love when a heart is wounded and a warm hug when loneliness appears. 

I pray for JOY in your every breath of every day and God's fellowship 24/7.

I pray that nothing will steal from you what God designed in you...if you wonder what that is, look in the mirror and know that He created you for a purpose bigger than you and that the Master artist planned your fingerprint, eye color, height, weight, build, shoe size, before you took your first breath. 

I pray for you.

23 Feb 2010 I can't stop my whining!

**

23 Feb 2010 I can't stop my whining!

 

It eeks out of me.  My condtion, my situation, that which has been clinging to me for a few years now.  I am avoiding as many people and groups as possible because I dread the question, "How are you?, or "How are you feeling?  How many times do I have to speak to the air how hard it is.  How my pain has engulfed my life and taken me to the edge of depression.  Or I sometimes just say "Blessed, with a half hearted smile."  I can't express my condition without wanting to vomit, for it makes me sick to hear about me again.  It feels hidden to proclaim my blessing condition.  I can't crawl in a cave and die.  I don't want to depart the door of my house and live.  I am at a stalemate in life where I don't feel like I'm moving ahead and it's too dangerous to go backwards.

 

So here I sit wasting the only thing I can give back to my God and that is time. I have brand new neighbors to meet and welcome.  I have a friend in the hospital who has broken her hip and arm and I have promised in my heart to visit her, that was a month ago.  She does have another month to go. I have a room that has collected for years various sale items, knick knacks, clothes I'm going to wear again when I lose that 10 lbs, items I can't just give to a thrift store because....well whatever the reason.  This room has to be cleaned because I have a June bride who has decided to invite her ENTIRE family.  

 

I'm abit on the slow side of learning about grace for myself. I'm impatient with the Word of God.  I really have to muddle through a devotion.  Rarely do I find myself chewing on the scriptures.  I swallow gulps of paragraphs to sate my spirit, but to meditate, to delve into deeper meanings and truths to grip rhema is too much effort.  If that could ever really be the case?  I know in my knower there is healing, joy, abundant peace, great love and mystical things revealed.  I am confident He still is for me, that He walks before me, behind me and to my side, I know He calls me friend.  I know in He is my future, my hope and my motivation.  He is still at the helm of this broken vessel, steering it, accelerating and descelerating as His plans go.  Right now I am in neutral, I just don't know if that is His plan or mine.

17 May 05 I am heaven made

17 May 05 I am heaven
made

I pull out a beautiful
flowing dress from my closet and I notice the hand stitched designer
label. I’m excited, because the color is exquisite, bright,
vibrant, splashes of the richest shades. The material a mix of
cotton and lace and the stitching so precise that the fit more
comfortable than a glove. The dress swirls and moves as if it had
its own built in fan. It’s light and delicate and the thought
that there may be another one in existence exactly the same is
unimaginable.

I am amazed at the
creativity of the designer and wonder if maybe if He didn’t
duplicate one just for Himself, to not to would have been a great
error. This dress is one of simple elegance and worthy of
appropriate display. It can be only accessorized by matching
jewelry, shoes and purse or it can be worn stripped down barefoot in
a meadow of wild flowers. This is a fun dress with easy care
directions sewn next to the label. It cleans up, oh so nicely and
the material bounces back to its original form as it dries.

I have a label on my
spirit with an authentic signature of the greatest designer of all
time. I am intricately made with every fabric of my being, being
original and one of a kind. Even the thread has no like piece in its
spool. I am a Masterpiece that was born out of the

Heart of God, fashioned
in His likeness and tailor-made to suit Him. The intricate weaving
indicates His attention to the minutest detail of life. The color
scheme He used was not limited to what the eye can see.

He created me in heaven
and birthed me upon the earth. He gave me my easy-care instruction
book through His Word and He blew His Spirit into me that as I
sojourn this trek if human breath, I do it jubilantly giving Him
praise.

Although my dress was
stained at one point, I used a laundry pre-treatment to wash it out.
The stain of humanity was washed by the Blood of the Lamb. The
pre-treatment of my soul was the crucifixion of His Son. As this
dress comfortably conforms to my figure, I desire that my life would
comfortably conforms to His. I want my life to be an expression of
God that when He sees me He is enraptured by the beauty of His
workmanship and that His artwork on display would be seen in every
home, church, store, market place, and path that my foot would
imprint itself upon.

Stalling Again

Stalling Again-16 June
2005

My flesh wants to kick
out my Spirit. It wants total control of my thoughts, my action, my
words…my heart. I have never known profound laziness in such
volume until I committed to doing, being, speaking, the things of
God. It makes me wonder how many detours I have willfully traveled
down and blamed the scheming of demonic plans for my life. It also
makes me realize how much power I’ve given the enemy by
attributing my failures to his abilities. My choices to look at my
life through a looking glass and assess all my options are as blatant
sin as lying, stealing, or cheating. It is not walking my life with
power and confidence, knowing that His Spirit is totally capable of
directing my path. I do too much thinking and its paralysis keeps me
from moving deeper and deeper with my Lord. I mentally condemn my
inactivity and its causes a clasp of blocks of cement to be tied to
my feet. To move then takes all my effort, as if I can win this
battle with my flesh. I forget that dead bodies care not one way or
the other if weights are chained to my legs. I try to move with partial
freedom which is not freedom at all. I cannot grow with my flesh
flopping around trying to preserve itself, it has to be completely
empty, lifeless, crucified, sacrificed in order for the fullness of
the life in Christ to be magnified. On the map of my days there are
burn spots and the footprints of an upright person sprinting in a
purpose direction and then another silhouette followed by the imprint
of my feet and then I see the tracks of heaviness, the footprints
deeper sat in the sand and then a sketch of a collapsed body, burned
up and a sprinter again. It is so obvious I can run the race and do
it fast and win the prize when my flesh is burned up on the altar.
My pace faster lighter as if running the race elevated by angels.
At the next sacrificial altar an obvious struggle when the flipping
and flopping of the sacrifice and the trail of blood departing the
altar. I can do nothing in and of myself but in Him, I will have no
will to struggle.

24 Aug 05 Love Unconditionally

24 Aug 05 Love Unconditionally, but….

I don’t digest this thought real easy. I can chew on it, taste it, swallow it and then it just kind of sits there and sours. Like a rebellious child with selective listening…I suffer with selective loving. I don’t battle with loving a perfect, good, awesome, Holy, omni-everything God. I’ve settled that issue in my heart a long time ago. I suppose to a certain extent, to love Him according to His commands is to love my neighbor. So I can’t even love God perfectly. His already born-again and His pre-born again people find ways to stick in my craw. They can be hallelujah friendly one minute and unwittingly condemning the next. I love you sister with the love of Christ in an instant and away with you I know you not, the next. I am perplexed about those that He loves and that He commands me to do the same. I have little patience with the body of Christ and realize how totally sacrilegious this sounds. I know the mystery of it all is glorifying to God and I know that love is not an emotion, but a commitment…but I don’t get it. It would be so simple to live and develop shiny surface relationships where the biggest investment would be a sermon Sunday hug or smile. It would lessen the connectors in the matrix, if I didn’t extend my heart, my finances and time. I could revert to Brother Lawrence living, vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning, with the meditation of God upon my thoughts and motivations but the fly in the ointment and the obvious elephant in the room is that is not in any semblance of how He created me. I tend to be more social, than the social butterfly. I’m attracted to swarms and my light seems to be fueled by the presence of others. God created me a loving, caring, busy body that gets into people’s faces and never settles for the “I’m fine.” Response to “How are you?” When my children were little they would with complete confidence tell me about a special dessert sac that could not be filled with salads nor meats, only desserts. So where it was impossible to put another fork of mashed potatoes in their bellies, there was always room for pie, ice cream or cake. The meal was incomplete unless the dessert sac had been sated. In His designing me, He created a people sac in my soul and this life will never be complete until it is filled with people. All flavors of people, rich, poor, young, old, boys, girls, women, men, babies, colorful…so delightful, so yummy and without this filling my soul would be incomplete. As any dietician would tell you too much dessert would cause a variety of health problems…so would investing into too many lives. There is room for just enough people.

Copy of One Ray Of Light Displaces The Darkne...

One Ray Of Light Displaces The Darkness-15 September 2008

It's all I needed to regain my composure and reaffirm that my God is triumphant over my tough and often death-producing circumstances.  It was a phone call from an angel of mercy that spoke the words I needed to hear and validate my pain by knowing she had suffered such  impossible grief and survived.  Her smile comes unimpeded and her softness through the phone line melted much angst in my barren evening.  I know my Father in heaven was looking out after me and the conversation was filled with the scriptures that seemed to evade us and evoke emotional suffering at times. Our great God showed up to walk with us and change our hardened heart to resemble more of His and He used these difficult situations to sharpen our deepest sense of need for Him.

I awoke with a much lighter lode and hope broke through my dark chasm and lifted me to higher places than earth.  I have been at this place way to long and realize that doubt and fear no longer have a hold on me.  I can be in the deepest pit and know now without reservation that my God reigns. 

He has a perfectly planned design for me and the chains of hell will not and have not prevailed.  I believe I have seen the height of torment these past three years and I believe my Savior saved me.  He showed me how I fail so greatly at presuming I know or understand Him and that His  Word birthed  life in lifeless places.  He has guided me through this maze of powerlessness and shown Himself to be great.  He has established a throne room in my heart that is permanently set and praise will erupt constantly. 

I believe from the ashes He molded a more subtle, humble servant.  I believe that pride has been depleted from my consciousness and that the Holy Spirit is now more capable of pointing out it's seedlings.  In the desolate lonely place I found a changed life.  I pray that what work needed to be done was done and that I would never have to return.  I pray that my ears have been tuned into heavenly channels and that judgment of others and their difficulties will lead me to pray fervently for them.  I pray that if a person should show them self to be thirsty or in need, that I would race to be the first one to offer a drink or provide help.  I certainly can communicate with those experiencing pain and share God's faithfulness in my own.

I know that all though I have walked through much that I still don't know others grief or suffering and I will bend my ear to my Holy God who will offer me the words, the actions or the scriptures needed to give them a ray of light.

Okay its crunch time! 26 May 05

Okay it’s Crunch Time-26 May 2005

I’m at the countdown of my youngest daughter’s graduation from high School. I will be picking up my parents, finish food shopping, framing pictures, preparing gifts for her graduating friends, decorating the house, helping her pack for her Senior trip (gulp) serve communion at our home church, make phone calls for an upcoming fundraiser, clean house, cook meals, juggle schedules, transportation, cash checks, pick-up a personalized photo cake etc.etc. etc. Yep, I would say there was a boat-load of activities and responsibilities about to explode on this beautiful God Blessed morning.

I am bathing myself in peace, I am fixed on Jesus and his assistance He gives to the weary, I am looking for comfort from the Paraclete and I am trusting that the God of detail will be the Lord over my next few days. I am not panicked but my heart is racing, I am not anxious but my body is itching to get-a- moving, I am not stressed, but the muscles in my neck and shoulders have chosen to constrict causing an uncomfortableness about things to come. I am jumping in the river of His love and power and insisting my physical being line-up. I am commanding and demanding that it not establish its rule over the Written Word. I am reminding myself that the Lord of Glory is my friend and that given over to, submitted, layed down, sacrificed, to his perfection all will go directed on the pages of Life written in the chapter of the God-authored book with my name on it.

I am so thankful that He who created this heart, can slow it’s pace. He who designed the blueprint of my human earth suit, relieves the itch and He that knit me in my Mother’s womb is the greatest message therapist that has ever existed. It is going to be a glorious blessed day on the face of the earth today. I am on the surface and in the depth of my soul rejoicing. I am so in love with LOVE and I am certain that LOVE is in love with me.

The decisions I have today are exciting! The multitude of items on my To Do List invigorating! The promise of successful living 100% guaranteed as I charter my course through many canals leading me to the expanse of the open sea. I am thrilled that he has taken me by the hand and at 47, He will make a path is this jungle of activity and He will be magnified in every bit of it!

The Strength of Your Word-6 June 05

The Strength of Your
Word-6 June 2005

I grasp at it, devour,
savor, meditate, challenge, bathe, rest, peruse, study, satiate,
enjoy, along, stand, cling love Your Word.
The Holy Bible, a book written to all of mankind by
God, to expose the very nature of God and the weakness of man. The
expose’ that through the Holy Spirit breathes the breath of
life over us and delivers the very heart and thoughts of God. The
words on a page are powerful enough to transform a corpse to life.
It is the scent of God that unlike perfume never dissipates; it is a
simple map to everlasting life and a dissertation to powerful living.
It is authored by the one true God who grabbed the hearts of simple
men and caused them to be the scribes of the kingdom of heaven.
Jesus himself never wrote a book or chapter in the bible, because He
was and is the written Word. He was God incarnate, He was man. All
was written and prophesied about Him, 1000 years before His birth.
His life too amazing that man who knew and walked with Him inspired
by the Holy Spirit wrote their memoirs of Him. The most used author
of the New Testament wrote about Him out of revelation. God used the
mix of different era’s, different men, from different places to
write fully cohesive book that encapsulates all of time and eternity.
His Word alone in the Old Testament did not suffice, so he sent
through heavenly barriers His own Son to ensure redemption was made
complete and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to magnify the work of
the cross.

The Word made man,
crucified, died was buried and risen a process that reflects our own
wickedness made perfect through the Bible. The inerrant Word that
can figuratively and literally be eaten, digested, absorbed into our
soul and body and transforms us into the resemblance of Jesus Christ
the God/Man who walked on earth. The Word that displaces darkness
because it is pure light and life, unrefined Glory that exalts God,
Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Zach's Death

Zach’s Death-10
April 2006

It was a numbing
weekend. I am participating in the New Life Church passion play
called “The Thorn.” In between Saturday’s
performance, I called home only to find out that my nephew’s
best friend, was killed riding a motorcycle. The elation of souls
being saved to my thoughts of what did I do to infuse or breathe life
into this young man. After all, he called me Aunt JD. I didn’t
do anything. He came to my house and would eat and drink with us,
but in the depth of my heart was severe judgment. I had been told
that he was a drug dealer and it hurt my heart that my nephew chose
him to be a friend. I think my judgment was over the top because he
was a very obese person and not an attractive man.

I really had no idea
how harsh and strict my thoughts were until this moment. I had to
review the condition of my heart and all that wonderful advice I have
given others about love and acceptance suddenly became a bag of
hypocrisy. I was not pulling planks out of my eyes, but side of
buildings. My heart is reeling for the loss of this young man, but
also for the great big spot and wrinkle I bring to the bride. I soil
her wedding gown with arrogance, pride, and judgment. I fail in many
ways as a human, but now my failure as a Christian is the greatest
and deepest knife plunged into the chambers of my heart.

I’m angry at my
lack of love and compassion! I’m in turmoil by the wrongness
of my heart! I’m shocked by my own deception! I’m
frustrated that I can appear to wear a cloak of righteousness, and
not be convicted when I hear a sermon. I am feeling dirty as if
someone has thrown me back into the mud and the mire and I stand
waste deep in filth awaiting my rescuing from my Savior and certainly
not feeling as if He will come.

I cannot afford to
stand before the judgment seat of God right now, because my hand are
stained with this young man’s blood and I can’t explain
the deficit of my account. I know that He is more forgiving than I
am. I don’t want to be forgiven. I want to wallow in my trap
of self-pity and torment. I want to undo what was done. I want to
go back in time and make better choices. I want to wrap my arms
around this troubled young man and display the great love of Christ
and let him know that he was made in my Savior’s image and he
looked the way he was because God fashioned him that way, wonderfully
and perfectly according to God’s plan for him. I want to share
the Gospel and see the power of Jesus in him is fulfilled. I want to
be the life raft that God used to draw him to himself, the planter,
or the waterer that God was able to cause increase. Instead, I was
every bit like the world judging and ridiculing him, the only
difference is I did it in my heart.

Proverbs 16:2
All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the
LORD.

Hebrews 4:12: For
the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged
sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and
marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Dearest Holy,
Magnificent God,

Forgive me for my
foolish living and once again pull me out of the stench of this mud
pit. Clean me up so that I can walk humbly among those you have
called and those you are going to call without scent of arrogance or
pride. Help me to live and love as your son did. Help me to do a
psalm 139 search the minute I take hold of my life rather than live
it submittedly to your plan. I love you my God and King and I thank
you that you find worth in me. Help me to be worthy of serving you
and send me young people to minister too. Amen

6 April 2005 The Wonderful Cross

6 April 2005 The Wonderful Cross

It is a gory, bloody, messy view of reconciliation. The representation of the cross is ultimate death for those who choose the path and the life after death. It is a complete surrender of all that we hold dear. The significance of the cross to all of mankind will never be fully realize in this earth., but exalted greatly at our passing to the next.

I marvel at how easy it is top gloss over the truth of the cross and the brutality inflicted upon the flesh of the son of man and the son of God. How crucifixion is similar to the sacrifices at the altar and how we would escape the reality of both and refuse to look and the grotesqueness of each act. As we lay down our lives on the altar of sacrifice, the heat begins to burn up our flesh and unless we lie still, unto death, we will not attain the perfect plan of God in our lives.

1. Matthew 10:38
   and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

2. Matthew 16:24
   Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

3. Mark 8:34
   Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

4. Luke 9:23
   Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Without either the cross or the altar, there is no hope for our human condition and no future for our souls. It is the fullness of the realization of the work accomplished upon the cross, that causes us to willfully take up our own cross and put to death those things we cling to. It is the burnt sacrifice of our hollow lives that God will use up, as a valiant warrior to advance His kingdom and purposes. All these so glorious a life, yet nothing of worth, till we view the cross as the bridge to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Galatians 2:20:
²⁰I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Oh Sweet Jesus,

I purpose this day to serve you, to empty myself of all that resides in my soul and present this empty vessel for your use. I pray for your filling and anointing for you kingdom purposes. I rejoice in this day that you have made and delightfully and excitedly look forward to spending this day. There is no other place I would want to be and there is no greater gift have I been given than your battered and bruised Body on the Wonderful Cross. Thank You my divine Savior. Amen

Finding the Treasure Trove

Finding the Treasure
Trove-17 June 05

All my work, all my
abilities, all my education, all the things I make all the societal
riches will stay here, when I sleep. Nothing is coming with me, not
my jewelry, house, car, art collection, curio trinkets, not my
wardrobe, not my IRA, checking account, or investments. There is not
one teeny tiny bit of Earth’s possessions that are tagging
along when I’m transported to the loving arms of my Jesus. I
come just as I am and hopefully transformed into His likeness that He
would recognize me as one of His own. What then? Where are the
treasures? The elderly couple up the street, the coffee server at
the local diner, the tattooed motorcyclist that just flipped me off,
the runaway teen who has befriended my daughter, the crotchety old
lady who is holed up in her 2 bedroom shanty, the single father whose
wife’s body gave way to cancer, the bi-polar young man who just
dumped my girlfriend’s daughter whom they share a child with,
the butcher, the baker the candlestick maker.

The diamonds in the
rough that through my eyes, I see the rough, through God’s eyes
He sees the flawless brilliance of a fiery diamond. The precious
possessions of my God, the formed clay, the perfection of His sewing
machine, the beauty of His Holiness and righteousness in the lives of
those around me. It is my responsibility to share the hope and joy
of knowing a loving Savior and His responsibility to clean them up.
Until, I begin to love the things He4 loves and hate the things He
hates, I offer much less than human experience. If I live in
righteousness, joy and peace in the Holy Spirit, serving my Jesus,
than my Father will be pleased and I will receive the approval of
men. I want to be the draw that causes the clay to be set upon the
potter’s wheel that more jars of clay will be produced. My
treasure trove are those who He sends me to and anoints me to bless.
I am confident that my mouth, my feet are being used to fulfill part
of the divine plan to empty hell and fill-up heaven.

April 17

April 17, 2006-After Easter

I am tired. I love the feeling of being done. It must have been an experience for Jesus when He proclaimed, “It is finished.” All of the demonic plans developed to destroy God’s children, clandestinely exploded in Satan’s face. He had no idea what was coming. He bellowed and boasted as life slipped out of Jesus. All of hell put on a party, if that were all possible, as Satan equated his victory to God’s power and ability. I would have enjoyed watching the celebration be disrupted by a tap, tap, tap to hell’s entrance and Jesus grinning from ear to ear standing there retrieving the keys to the kingdom.

Revelation 1:18:
¹⁸I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.

I believe the thing we all search for in our lives, why were created, was satisfying for my sweet Lord and Savior. I still feel like I’m in limbo, not really knowing my purpose. There are a few things, I’m certain of. I was created with a purpose. To be the mother of two incredible Spirit-filled women and to be the help-meet to an incredible man of God. I fill other trivial roles in this life as being a friend to so and so and a prayer warrior for those in need. I have a calling much greater than what I see and I can’t seem to wrap my arms or my thoughts around it.

I have to believe, I’m not yet ready for the work or I would be visibly employed by now. Maybe, there is too much gunk left in this flesh to be useable, maybe I haven’t matured according to His plan and will for me. Maybe, I’ve disappointed Him and He has to design a whole new course for me to traipse upon. I’m not sure what is up with His heavenly plans for me, but I feel rather inadequate at this point.

I can’t proclaim I’ve begun, much less It is finished, if I am unsure of this next step. I wait, I might add not as patiently as I should, as indicated by this note. I have started and finished projects before. I know the satisfaction of a worldly job well done. But right at this moment, I have an uneasiness about my future. I can’t seem to propel myself in any direction right now. I can’t hop onto a celestial slingshot and get things moving. Bottom line is…I’ld rather be here in limbo than out doing what I think he wants me to do. I know that I have the ability to create chaos in other’s lives, if I’m not so finely tuned into His plans. I can advise, support and encourage out of my own love for others, but until I know that it is His desire I’m not going to move. I want nothing for myself but to glorify God and proclaim His love to others and I can’t and won’t move till he sanctifies me as in Isaiah 6:5-8.

⁵ "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

    ⁶ Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

    ⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
      And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

I will chose to wait and praise Him with all that I am. I will settle in my soul this foolish longing and trust He will perform whatever is needed in order to be elevated to a new level of glory.

Isaiah 40:29-30

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
       and increases the power of the weak.

    ³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
       and young men stumble and fall;

    ³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
      they will walk and not be faint.

My hope, not renewed by anything, other than the Lord Jesus himself. I will stay weak, I will chose to lay my every hope and dream down for His plans. I will chose worship, when everything inside of me feels like it is decaying.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10⁷To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 10:3-11³For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ⁶And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.⁷You are looking only on the surface of things.^[a] If anyone is confident that he belongs to Christ, he should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as he. ⁸For even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down, I will not be ashamed of it. ⁹I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters. ¹⁰For some say, "His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing." ¹¹Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present.

Dearest Lord,

Forgive my frustration and angst about future issues. I am certain all things are being held together in your hands. I have no need for concern or worry and ask that you help take captive wasteful thinking. In you hope is great and my future certain. All things destined for me will be accomplished. I have no desire to be known for a person of good words or deed. I want to be known as one who loves you desperately, passionately and recklessly abandoned to you and your causes. Let the eyes of my heart be so in tuned with your Holy Spirit that all else diminishes from my sight. I desire to be an instrument to be played upon or a tool to be used for the advancement of your kingdom. I love you my Lord. Be glorified this day! Amen.

10 February 2010 How much more can b...

10 February 2010 How much more can be physically heaped onto this dead body?

A stinking cold. A full fledged nasal and sinus invasion with all the accouterments. I am sniffling, sneezing, coughing, hacking and sometimes gagging! I hurt..my face hurts...my eyes hurt to look at anything and my fingers hurt to type and my brain hurts to think. It is fair to say I have caught and swallowed the hook line and sinker of the rhino virus. It is more than devastating to prioritize my aches and pains. Underneath the cold symptoms is my chest pains and I tab down the menu of pain du jour and say, I will have this one right now. Mostly because it is screaming the loudest!

Are there lessons? Well last Wednesday at a prayer meeting at our church, the Lord convicted me deeply on judgment. Have I been here before????? Everywhere I looked, I judged every face in my visual path. As usual, I cried at the hugeness of my sin and my gladness of moments of transformation. Sure enough, He had something to reveal and clean-up. I sort of wondered if this journey of meeting face-to-face with my God had some prerequisites with it. I realize the Blood cleanses me and presents me to God with unblemished purity, but I couldn't help wondering if this wasn't part of the journey. Maybe, because I desire so greatly to meet, He has changed me, so the discussions are holier, more potent, of significance and funner. I don't know, but this I do.

My pain has directed my path for years now and I have experienced life through a looking glass of level of pain. My physical being had found a means to supersede my spiritual. The small still voice of the Holy Spirit was muted by the pain that had a megaphone in my ear continually yelling at me. I unconsciously began to view all life and everything around me in darkness. I bore a negative perspective on people, situations, and life. It was all tainted and although I know He never left me, I left Him to focus on my unsuccessful pity party. I could not seem to elevate my eyes past the horizon.

I saw myself spiritually doing a rain dance on the altar of burning flesh. I'm not sure if the hopping around was due to the heat or I truly wanted the rain to cause the heat to subside. Either way, I have been walking as a failure not bringing an ounce of glory to God, but a trail of malignment to His name. My lesson?

I have a God who walked in the flesh and He has given me abilities to rise above my physical issues and love greatly, esteem others and live humbly. I have the spiritual ability to walk in righteousness in my broken body.