Stalling Again

Stalling Again-16 June
2005

My flesh wants to kick
out my Spirit. It wants total control of my thoughts, my action, my
words…my heart. I have never known profound laziness in such
volume until I committed to doing, being, speaking, the things of
God. It makes me wonder how many detours I have willfully traveled
down and blamed the scheming of demonic plans for my life. It also
makes me realize how much power I’ve given the enemy by
attributing my failures to his abilities. My choices to look at my
life through a looking glass and assess all my options are as blatant
sin as lying, stealing, or cheating. It is not walking my life with
power and confidence, knowing that His Spirit is totally capable of
directing my path. I do too much thinking and its paralysis keeps me
from moving deeper and deeper with my Lord. I mentally condemn my
inactivity and its causes a clasp of blocks of cement to be tied to
my feet. To move then takes all my effort, as if I can win this
battle with my flesh. I forget that dead bodies care not one way or
the other if weights are chained to my legs. I try to move with partial
freedom which is not freedom at all. I cannot grow with my flesh
flopping around trying to preserve itself, it has to be completely
empty, lifeless, crucified, sacrificed in order for the fullness of
the life in Christ to be magnified. On the map of my days there are
burn spots and the footprints of an upright person sprinting in a
purpose direction and then another silhouette followed by the imprint
of my feet and then I see the tracks of heaviness, the footprints
deeper sat in the sand and then a sketch of a collapsed body, burned
up and a sprinter again. It is so obvious I can run the race and do
it fast and win the prize when my flesh is burned up on the altar.
My pace faster lighter as if running the race elevated by angels.
At the next sacrificial altar an obvious struggle when the flipping
and flopping of the sacrifice and the trail of blood departing the
altar. I can do nothing in and of myself but in Him, I will have no
will to struggle.