April 17, 2006-After Easter
I am tired. I love the feeling of being done. It must have been an experience for Jesus when He proclaimed, “It is finished.” All of the demonic plans developed to destroy God’s children, clandestinely exploded in Satan’s face. He had no idea what was coming. He bellowed and boasted as life slipped out of Jesus. All of hell put on a party, if that were all possible, as Satan equated his victory to God’s power and ability. I would have enjoyed watching the celebration be disrupted by a tap, tap, tap to hell’s entrance and Jesus grinning from ear to ear standing there retrieving the keys to the kingdom.
Revelation 1:18:
18I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.
I believe the thing we all search for in our lives, why were created, was satisfying for my sweet Lord and Savior. I still feel like I’m in limbo, not really knowing my purpose. There are a few things, I’m certain of. I was created with a purpose. To be the mother of two incredible Spirit-filled women and to be the help-meet to an incredible man of God. I fill other trivial roles in this life as being a friend to so and so and a prayer warrior for those in need. I have a calling much greater than what I see and I can’t seem to wrap my arms or my thoughts around it.
I have to believe, I’m not yet ready for the work or I would be visibly employed by now. Maybe, there is too much gunk left in this flesh to be useable, maybe I haven’t matured according to His plan and will for me. Maybe, I’ve disappointed Him and He has to design a whole new course for me to traipse upon. I’m not sure what is up with His heavenly plans for me, but I feel rather inadequate at this point.
I can’t proclaim I’ve begun, much less It is finished, if I am unsure of this next step. I wait, I might add not as patiently as I should, as indicated by this note. I have started and finished projects before. I know the satisfaction of a worldly job well done. But right at this moment, I have an uneasiness about my future. I can’t seem to propel myself in any direction right now. I can’t hop onto a celestial slingshot and get things moving. Bottom line is…I’ld rather be here in limbo than out doing what I think he wants me to do. I know that I have the ability to create chaos in other’s lives, if I’m not so finely tuned into His plans. I can advise, support and encourage out of my own love for others, but until I know that it is His desire I’m not going to move. I want nothing for myself but to glorify God and proclaim His love to others and I can’t and won’t move till he sanctifies me as in Isaiah 6:5-8.
5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
I will chose to wait and praise Him with all that I am. I will settle in my soul this foolish longing and trust He will perform whatever is needed in order to be elevated to a new level of glory.
Isaiah 40:29-30
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
My hope, not renewed by anything, other than the Lord Jesus himself. I will stay weak, I will chose to lay my every hope and dream down for His plans. I will chose worship, when everything inside of me feels like it is decaying.
2 Corinthians 12:7-107To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 10:3-113For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 6And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.7You are looking only on the surface of things.[a] If anyone is confident that he belongs to Christ, he should consider again that we belong to Christ just as much as he. 8For even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down, I will not be ashamed of it. 9I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters. 10For some say, "His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing." 11Such people should realize that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present.
Dearest Lord,
Forgive my frustration and angst about future issues. I am certain all things are being held together in your hands. I have no need for concern or worry and ask that you help take captive wasteful thinking. In you hope is great and my future certain. All things destined for me will be accomplished. I have no desire to be known for a person of good words or deed. I want to be known as one who loves you desperately, passionately and recklessly abandoned to you and your causes. Let the eyes of my heart be so in tuned with your Holy Spirit that all else diminishes from my sight. I desire to be an instrument to be played upon or a tool to be used for the advancement of your kingdom. I love you my Lord. Be glorified this day! Amen.
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